Night Visions
by Totally-Out-Of-It
Summary: Into Darkness fic. Spoilers! The signs were good, but Kirk was still not with them, and the ones who saw him die still can't get the memory out of their heads.


The clock read five a.m. in glowing green characters when Spock found himself awake. His room was pitch black save for the clock, but that was to be expected before sunrise. The Vulcan roused himself and slipped out of bed. He went to the window and pulled back the curtains so he could look out over the bay. Despite the hour, plenty of light was coming from the city in the form of street lights, construction zones, and some windows in what of Starfleet had not been hit.

The wreckage of the U.S.S. Vengeance still took up a major portion of the view, and rescue workers worked around the clock to find survivors or bodies in the crushed buildings in its path. The cranes and workers gave off more light than anything else, highlighting whatever area they were currently searching. The Starfleet hospital, the building most untouched by the attack, was dark in all but a few windows, and the window that mattered most to Spock was not only dark but veiled.

Spock stared at the hospital, his forehead creased. Vulcans do not dream... not in the usual human sense, at least. But Spock was, as was happening a lot lately, being reminded that he was half human. It had been a week since the final showdown with Khan, since the Enterprise almost fell to Earth, and since her captain sacrificed himself to restart her systems. And every night since that day Spock awoke too early after night visions he couldn't escape. They followed him long after the sun came up no matter the events of each day.

This night was not unlike the others. He slept and relived the cold numbness of accepting his inevitable death, the surprise at the ship returning to life, the aching possibility of the truth, the cold panic at Scotty's voice calling him to the core, the fear and helplessness and uselessness of being on the other side of the glass from his closest friend, comrade, brother and forced to watch him die. He relived every painful moment of his captain's scattered breathing, his fear of death, his comfort of having Spock with him, his fingers struggling to match Spock's, and his final silent breath as his hand fell from the glass.

He relived his own inability to do what was usually so basic for him – cut off his emotions. He could feel the tear that escaped down his face each morning he awoke even though he had not cried again. And each night he expected to remember the burning anger and need for revenge, but he always woke up cold and always felt the need to check the window for the wreckage and the hospital.

Spock dressed quickly and efficiently before heading down the elevator and taking the brisk morning walk over to the hospital. He contemplated this very idea every morning, but this was the first time he acted upon it.

It was illogical, he knew, going to the room. He couldn't go in, especially not at this hour, but he came anyway. Up in an intensive care room, blocked from Spock by a large glass window, lay James Tiberius Kirk. He was in the white hospital gown, laying under white sheets and in a white room. It was sterile and clean and hateful.

On the bed, Jim didn't move a muscle. He hadn't moved at all since he'd died in the radiation room. Doctor McCoy swore that Khan's blood transfusion was working, repairing the irradiated cells, but outwardly there were no visible signs.

"Spock." Bones sounded shocked. Logical. He walked up to his Vulcan shipmate and glanced into the room. "Did you need something?"

"I felt the need to see if anything had changed with the captain," Spock explained.

Bones sighed heavily. "As I've told you via transmission, his heart is beating, he has brain function, he's breathing. He's alive, but the cells are still healing. Coming back from death by radiation isn't a cake walk. I mean, hell, his vitals spiked as soon as the blood hit his system. Poor guy was off the charts for ten hours. I wasn't sure his system could handle the stress. I worried he might be allergic to the blood. But as you can see, he's fine now. He's getting better."

Spock stared at the good doctor for a moment or so and then looked back into the room with his captain. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Uh oh. For what?" Bones asked, crossing his arms.

"For doing what I could not." He looked back at Bones. "Saving the captain."

"He's my best friend, Spock. I wasn't gonna just let him die. Not that easy. Not when there was any chance of changing that." Bones paused, his forehead creased. "Pardon overstepping our usual boundaries but... you're looking a bit more green than usual. Maybe we should schedule you for a check-up."

"I am fine," Spock assured.

Before McCoy could argue the point, an irate Scottish accent could be heard muttering its way down the corridor. McCoy turned around to look, and Spock took the chance to step back and conceal himself part way behind a sign for the hospital wing.

When Scotty came around the corner and spotted Dr. McCoy standing there, his mutterings stopped. He looked tired, drained, and paler than he usually was. McCoy didn't suggest a check-up this time. He just pulled out a scope from his pocket and started scanning the engineering chief, even as he walked over to look in on Jim.

"Couldn't sleep?" Bones asked.

"Nah. Sleep is easy. I can-eh dream. Tha's the problem." Scotty frowned hard and put his hands at the bottom of the glass. He leaned there, looking in at the still form, and then shook his head and sighed. "It's the nightmares keepin' me up. I jus' keep havin' the same nightmare – where'in I'm in that blasted chair, tied down an all, an' I can see 'im through the glass... dyin'."

"I'm no psychologist, Mr. Scott," Bones reminded, switching out devices.

"An' then the dream keeps on goin', like we failed. An' then there's the damn funeral, an' Jim's all done-em-up like they do, ya know?" Scotty continued without hesitation.

"Scotty can we not talk about this?" Bones asked, lowering his hands and putting his scanners away.

"An' I'm cryin' like a wee babe an' the crew's a wreck an' I don-eh know what to do. The whole world's gone an' lost its mind." Scotty stopped then and pushed off the wall. He turned to Bones and sighed. "An' then I go an' wake up. An' I have to remind meh-self it wa'nt but a dream."

Bones took a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips. "Scott, listen. It'll pass. Jim's alive, so that's a start. But once he fully regains consciousness, it'll be even better. We can all go back to sleep again. I'm pretty sure that's what's wrong with all of us. We're all under a lot of stress from this."

"All? We? Who you talkin' about?" Scotty asked.

Bones let out a huff and motioned toward Spock, who walked back over to the window at the beckoning. He felt his ears burning and remembered Kirk saying something about that before everything happened. This time it was because of embarrassment from hiding. He'd not needed to hide from Mr. Scott, and yet he had.

"Blimey! Spock! Are you havin' nightmares as well, then?" Scotty asked.

Spock gave him a curious look.

"Vulcans do not have nightmares," he said plainly.

"Ah right." Scotty wrinkled his nose. "Lucky bastards."

Bones shook his head. "Nightmares, maybe not. But you haven't slept much lately either, I bet. We all came by to see him for a reason. Can't get that day out of our heads. Like I said, it'll pass once he's conscious. Least I hope it does."

"Our captain sacrificed his life for us," Spock said. "It will not be easily forgotten."

"Our friend," Bones corrected and gave Spock a knowing look. "And no, it won't. But at least once he's awake I can stop thinking he's dead."

Even Spock had nothing to say against that. He woke up every morning with the... fear. The fear that he'd imagined using Khan to revive Kirk. He worried he'd mixed up his memories for his dreams. That was the illogical reason he was here – to confirm once again that his captain, his friend, his brother in arms was still alive. That he had not lost him on the other side of that glass, tears in his eyes and fear in his voice.

In the room, Kirk's mouth opened and he took a large gasp of air. Bones went in immediately to make sure everything was stable, but everything was the same as before. Spock could tell from the monitors without ever going inside. But the gasp of air, the largest movement from Kirk in a week, gave both Scotty and Spock a shock of hope.

T'hy'la.

The word came to Spock so suddenly that at first he didn't know what it meant. Then he registered the word and pressed his lips into a hard line. He remembered his future self, the day they first met, describing his relationship with Kirk. How had he put it? 'A friendship that would come to define them both.'

Something in Spock's chest stirred, and he took a deep breath to calm it. T'hy'la. Brother. Friend. Soul mate. The word had so many uses in the human tongue. Looking in on Kirk now, he wondered if the word applied to Kirk. In a week, when Kirk's eyes would snap open and he'd start talking again, Spock would think of the term again and know that it did indeed summarize his relationship with his new captain. He would spend a long time wondering when that bond had begun.

Standing in the hall now, he listened to Scotty rant on again about his dream and the specifics of it – all the parts that didn't involve Jim. Like how Spock didn't cry, but he didn't speak either, and how Uhura broke the podium and that Spock took over as captain, but that the Enterprise went down in battle soon afterward and no, never mind, forget that part, it wasn't anything against Spock as a captain, Scotty was sure he'd be a great captain, it was just a dream; and Spock didn't say anything, just smiled a little, and that did more damage to Scotty than any rebuke. He excused himself in a hurry to go back to bed and left Bones to tend to Kirk and Spock to watch silently from the sidelines.

Spock stepped into Kirk's room and stationed himself in the corner, out of the way.

"If it is alright with you, Doctor, I would request permission to stay here," the half-vulcan said.

"Yeah sure. Whatever. Just don't do any weird Vulcan-y things to my patient." Bones wasn't even checking anything about Kirk. He was pressing his fingers to his wrist as though to check a pulse, but he was just starring at Kirk's face

"I do not know to what you are referring, but I promise I shall do nothing of the sort."

"Good. Cause he's coming back to us," Bones said.

"Good," Spock agreed quietly.


End file.
